The plans were all set, and I had butterflies in my stomach again. I've felt them before. Our minds were made up, and it was fully decided. The answer was YES. Yes, it was time to open a second location! There were late night talks. Early morning talks. Plans set. Wheels turning, contractors contacted, a loan waiting to be taken out, paper work filed, a lease just about to be signed...
But, then, something changed.
Just a few weeks ago Jason and I were planning to open a Scratch location at Park City Mall. Ah, yes, a BIG, brand new, shiny store that would tell everyone, "We made it! We're big-time! Come buy cupcakes from US!" We were going to go for it and finally take the jump. And, gosh, were we excited!
But, secretly, deep-deep-deep down, like waaaaay hidden deep down I wasn't 100% too sure about my plans. And, honestly, as an entrepreneur, you never have a concrete answer if it's ever really going to work out or not, but that's all a part of the risk. I have actually come to love risk. It feeds a part of me that I never really knew existed. It's exhilarating, scary, and amazing, all at the same time.
There are two types of risk.
Faith-filled risk: A risk that you believe in so deeply in your core, that you just cannot imagine not taking the chance. You believe it in. You believe that God is calling you out into the deep, and you're going out to find Him no matter what.
Flesh-filled risk: A risk that you don't believe in deeply in your core. You're not sure if you believe in it or not, and you have to keep seeking God about it over and over again, even though you're pretty sure the fact that you still don't have peace about it is answer enough. But you reaaaally, really want it, so you keep asking anyway. And then when you get your answer, you rationalize and argue about why you should still do it.
Guess which category Park City fell in for me? I'll give you a hint...it wasn't the first one. But that was a secret, remember? Oh, right. You can't hide things from the Holy Spirit.
Before we were going to nail down the final details of moving forward, Jason and I had a family wedding and mini-beach trip planned. We were going to have one last fun trip with the boys before we fully jumped into the intense work of planning and opening a second location.
I was already mourning the loss of time I was going to be able to spend with my boys this
summer while I packed. So, I decided to turn my cell phone off and leave it at home for the full 5 days were going to be away in Maryland. Work could just wait for me until I got back.
'I'm going to soak them up while I have the chance,' I thought to myself.
And with each day my phone was stuffed away in the junk drawer, hundreds of miles away from me, God placed a new desire within my heart. I saw my boys. You know, actually looked at them longer than a few glances up between tapping, FB-ing, and instagraming work-related posts on my phone. I heard every single hilarious thing they had to say. I listening to them sing songs in the car. I played with them. I enjoyed them. Y'all, I even dipped my head under in the deep end of the pool, swam underwater, and let the boys spray me in the face with water. I never do that. Holla!
I also soaked up the Word of God. I took time to pray and refocus myself. I spent time in the presence of my Father that I desperately needed, and He showed me once again the beauty of margin. Something He has showed me before. But you know how we are...we forget things if we don't keep what is most important first in our lives.
When we got back from the beach, normal life ensued, and since I hadn't shared my change of heart with anyone, I was safe to pick right back up where I left off. The trip was nice, I got some time to relax and spend time with my family, and the second store was happening. Decision final.
But that still small voice was faithful to whisper to me...
"Daughter, not yet..."
"Oh, Lord, I know it's just nerves. I'm just scared because I haven't ever opened a store this size before. This is what business people do, God. We take risks! And then you have to bless it because I want it, okay? Thanks, God!"
Then on a Wednesday morning I still felt so nervous about it all, I felt like I was going to barf. It was nerves of well-inteded risk. Absolutely not nerves from lack of peace. Duh.
I prayed out loud,"Lord, I know you have a final answer for me. I don't have peace about moving forward, but you know that I feel like this is the right move for our business. I want to fully be in your will. If your answer is yes, I will keep moving forward. I'll stuff the nerves and keep going. If it is no, I promise I won't move forward."
That night I found myself in our Wednesday night bible study by accident. God has a sense of humor, and don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise. Jason and I are part of a small young married couples group at our church. They had canceled the meeting, but our Pastor's wife didn't email us about it because we haven't made it to one of the meetings in at least 6 months! LOL! So we stayed for the normal Wednesday night class. And guess what the class was about? Leaving margin in your life, living within your means, and not allowing the thief of comparison to rob you of god-given joy (thank you, Sheldon ;-).
Jason and I left church with our answer. And I finally had peace. Sweet, sweet peace.
So, I guess what I'm saying in all of this isn't that God doesn't want you to have great things. He does. But it's all in His timing. And a lot times, it requires saying no to things you think you want (but you really don't) to eventually get to the good things. He's gone before you and He already knows the end result--trust His leading no matter what. His ways are higher than our ways.
Jeremiah 29: 11 "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome."
I believe God has amazing things planned for Scratch. I don't want to mess it up by running ahead of Him. I want to soak up my current blessings and be an excellent steward over all I have already been given (my relationship with God, my husband, and children being at the top of that list). My babies are little right now. They need a godly momma who is going to put in the work NOW, while they are small. They need to be taught and trained.
Will we ever open other locations one day? I sure hope so! But for now, little Scratch is where I'll be staying. And I am so happy with that.
Matthew 6:33 "But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides."